The Lessons Children Teach Us

As adults, we sometimes get jaded and cynical. We become impatient and we don’t take the time to focus on the things that really matter. If you ever need a dose of optimism and a reminder about what life is all about, spend some time with young children. 

At our schools, while we are in the process of teaching academics and social skills, it’s amazing how often we see our students demonstrate kindness and compassion. As humans, we all need to feel a sense of belonging to a group of people we care about and that cares about us.

Many years ago, I worked in Oregon where the second grade class included an autistic child; I’ll call him Brendon. If you’ve ever spent time with an autistic child, you know it can be challenging. Like so many conditions, there’s a wide range of intensity, but autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that causes people to process social communication and sensory inputs differently than neurotypical folks. Because of this, Brendon occasionally got overwhelmed and struggled to manage his behavior. 

One day, the class had a substitute teacher. She was unfamiliar with Brendon’s needs and didn’t realize how upsetting a change in his routine would be. When she moved quickly from one activity to another, it was too much for him and he started to melt down. Immediately, four classmates went to him and tried to help him calm down. They let the substitute know Brendon had a hard time with transitions and that he just needed a little time. One student asked for permission to come and get me, since I was the school counselor. By the time I arrived a few minutes later, the kids had already supported Brendon through his episode. They were his protectors and his friends. 

Later, the substitute asked me, “How did you train those kids to do that?” I let her know the adults at school had never needed to teach any of Brendon’s classmates to do anything. The kids knew what to do. Our job was simply to create an environment–a class culture–where compassion, patience, and helping others were the norms. 

In preparation for this column, I asked Kelseyville educators for examples of kindness and empathy from their students. I immediately received emails that made my heart full. A teacher from Kelseyville Elementary, Heather Villalobos, shared these gems:

• A student spent most of their recess time helping another student tie their shoes.
• When a new student joined our class, another student stuck with them all day to show them around, help them find things, and feel welcome at our school.
• A student comes into class and starts every morning asking me if there’s anything they could do to help me.

Students often jump into action when they notice a fellow student being left out. I loved this story from Ana Cortez, one of our teachers from Riviera Elementary. 

I have a very sweet story. This year we did a white elephant exchange in my class before the break, and I was going over my list of students who didn’t bring a gift yet. One student mumbled to himself that he couldn’t bring a gift, but I was close enough to hear him and another student heard him, too. 

That other student came to me at the end of the day and said he wouldn’t mind splitting his gift since he had three clumped together, allowing the other student to participate. I told him that was very kind of him, and to talk to the other student just to make sure he was okay with that. Of course, it all worked out. The student said thank you and we had a great time doing our white elephant exchange.

When I was principal at Mountain Vista Middle School, we did candygram sales. A student helping out in the office noticed that only two students in a specific classroom hadn’t received a candygram and asked if she could include a candygram for each because she didn’t want them to feel left out. 

Left to their own devices, usually kids are kind and respectful of one another. As they grow up, they see how adults treat each other and they begin to adjust their behavior accordingly. Our kids are always watching. They’ll copy what they see done. If we want kids to be compassionate and thoughtful, we need to model that behavior. 

So, the next time you find yourself tempted to unleash your anger on someone else, whether it’s a driver who cuts you off or someone who shares an opinion you don’t like, imagine how you’d want your child to respond. Do you want them to scream at someone, flip them off, and storm away, or would it be better if they took a deep breath, let it go, and stayed safe? Do you want your children to give people a chance, to ask questions so they understand what’s really going on, or would you rather they simply reject anything that bugs them? 

In today’s world, if we want to live in harmony with others, it starts with our children. Let’s help them learn how to handle problems in a way that keeps them safe and emotionally healthy. When we are kind and help each other out, our kids will follow suit.