It's OK Not to Be OK

Putting Students First: It’s OK Not to Be OK

By KVUSD Elementary School Principals: Tavis Perkins & Paul McGuire 

The holidays are supposed to be a happy time, but unfortunately, they can be sad and challenging for some kids. Family dynamics, past tragedies, and other complicated issues can make this a confusing time of year. 

On top of that, there’s so much going on in the world. It’s one scary news story after another. There’s a war in Ukraine. North Korea is launching missiles into the sea. And there seem to be school shooter threats across the country on a frighteningly regular basis. All of this is happening while the COVID-19 pandemic is fresh in everyone’s mind.

To make a long story short: kids are dealing with a lot these days, and many of them are not OK. Fear and anxiety seem more common among students than we can remember. When these uncomfortable feelings bubble up to the surface, they can cause kids to misbehave or mistreat one another. We don’t like to see that happen. We understand how frustrating it can be to deal with these incidents, but in our experience, this type of acting out is usually a cry for help.

A fourth grader who talked to the superintendent recently after getting in trouble broke down in tears and admitted that he did something he shouldn’t have because, “I’m just really scared about what’s going on around me.” We assure you, he’s not the only student feeling that way. 

It’s easy to forget that kids are kids—not smaller versions of grown-ups. Adults have a hard enough time managing their emotions; can you imagine what a child who has no control over anything must feel like? We have to put ourselves in their shoes and remember that their brains are still developing. Kids can’t process and understand feelings like adults can. 

They’re going to do some silly things that make us want to pull our hair out. When they do, it’s easy to lose our tempers or be quick to dole out punishment, but sometimes that glosses over the problem causing them to act out in the first place. Instead, if we treat children with compassion and empathy, we give ourselves the best opportunity to help them in the long run. 

How exactly do we go about doing that? It’s as simple as being someone a child can talk to and trust. Listen carefully and look for hints and signs that point to what is really going on. Don’t minimize their problems. The problems might seem small to you but they are big to them. Encourage kids to express themselves. Let them know it’s OK not to be OK; that it’s normal to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Emotions are what make us human. 

In fact, the greatest thing anyone can do for a child suffering from stress, anxiety, or depression is to be compassionate, empathetic, and understanding. You don’t need to be a professional with special skills. As much as you might want to fix things, what kids sometimes need is someone who can listen and care. That’s big; that’s everything.

We know some folks are terrified that they’re doing this parenting thing all wrong. That’s understandable. Doubting yourself comes with the territory. But if you love your kids and listen to them—really listen to them—you’re doing what’s most important. 

As you listen, you may discover your child needs some help managing their emotions. We have resources to support them here at Kelseyville Unified School District, like counselors, school psychologists, and 24/7 Gaggle Therapy, a free online service that connects licensed therapists with students for teletherapy sessions. You can refer your child online by visiting gaggletherapy.my.site.com/clients/s/.

Lake County offers behavioral health services to the public as well, such as 24-hour crisis phone lines, grief counseling, mental health support, and help with substance abuse problems. You can learn more online at lakecountyca.gov/173/Behavioral-Health-Services.

Exploring these resources teaches our kids something else: that it's OK to ask for help when you need it.

As you and your children gather with family and friends this holiday season, please, come together with empathy and patience. Relax and love each other. Leave political discussions for another day. Look for the good in everyone. Focus on what we have in common. And for crying out loud, be nice! Every single one of us, kids or not, could use a little compassion. We can’t think of a better gift to give or receive.